Expressions of Love

In theory, I have always advocated for unconditional love. I believe in it and I have felt and experienced it.

Yet I wonder if I have truly expressed unconditional love as I seem to have some expectation of a like response or acknowledgment. However, it seems I have missed the point because when you love someone(s), in any form, I have learned there need not be a response.

Admittedly, this was/is a hard lesson for me to learn and I am still processing this lesson. To love unconditionally, for me, means to love freely and without being loved in return, or - at the very least - accepting a different form in return.

I am also learning that I need to express my love to those I do love. Now, I do not mean to make them uncomfortable, but if I am to be my true blue self, expressions of love are part of who I am and suppressing those sentiments is like trying to plug a black hole with my pinky finger.

Now, it is scary as hell to express my feelings, especially to folk of the female variety, and it took the prompting and encouragement of the Great Queen(The Morrigan) for me to do so recently. Now I am not the type to second guess the motives of a Goddess (altho I have wondered why these two individuals and why at this time) and I am sure some will doubt She had anything to do with it. However as I have pondered this I have realized that She is pushing me out of my comfort zone and teaching me to be (and accept) who I am and to lay aside all doubts that I am Hers, as Priest and Druid.

She also knows my heart as I have laid it bare before Her and whilst I am sure  my confessions of love serve Her Purpose I can't help but believe that She also has my best interests at heart as well.


In Lak'ech Ala K'in,

Wolf

Honesty, Is It Really the Best Policy?

For several days/weeks now I have seen quotes and memes that we should tell people how we feel about them. It seems the intent is tied in with love, be it romantic or platonic, gay or straight, Mono or Poly.

However I have found that most people cannot or will not handle such honesty., Frankly, people seem to be scared of love or, at the very least, opposed to such professions if it does not fit into their neat little idea of love, i.e I'm gay I can't love a straight person, I'm monogamous and I can't love or be loved by another.

It seems that every time I tell someone I have a crush ( no I don't so this often) on them they go dark and stop talking to me. There are folks that I really wish I could tell how I feel, but if they run from the term "crush" or the idea of going to a movie with me, their reaction to any romantic inclinations would not be favorable.

In theory, I am all for the idea as it seems to speak to my goal of being my authentic self. However, in practice, I have found this idea to have had less than pleasant reactions. YMMV

Suffering in Silence

I see the phrase a lot. It is meant to convey that some folk keeps there sufferings to themselves, usually folk that deal with depression, PTSD, Anxiety disorders or the like.

It has been my personal experience  that we do a lot more than suffer in silence. Whilst I do suffer in silence, I also love in silence, celebrate in silence, hope in silence.

Why do we choose to do these things, Basically, live our lives in silence? Forgive my raw honesty but we( some of us) feel that no one cares. Other times we feel that we do not want to be a burden on others, Thirdly, we don't want to be 'that person' you know the negative nelly. Your mileage may vary.

For personally, all of the above hold true for me. I am even reluctant to share my innermost feelings with those that I love. However, I am learning to 'detach' from the more toxic emotions by acknowledging, processing and letting go.

Now the reality is that I and others most likely don't have to do anything in silence. I have a support group of people that love me, that do not view me as a burden or a negative nelly, at times, though, it is hard to shut the assbrain down. It takes practice and determination (meds don't hurt, lol) to disregard the things assbrain has to say.

Stay caffeinated, my friends, Namaste!

Unbecoming

So I saw the meme to the right on my FB feed the other day and it really struck a chord with me. It really isn't about growing into something but growing out of something.

I feel that all of us are born with divine purpose, in fact, I feel that we are all Divinity but one way or another that sense of divinity, of purpose, gets 'squashed' and we find ourselves living the hum drum, mundane life of the 'Amercian Dream' and we forget that purpose.

Then something happens, usually painful and traumatic(just like our physical birth) and we are 'reborn' and our journey to unbecome begins.

This is where I find myself, unbecoming all the old ways of thinking, acting and being. It is not an easy journey, it can be damn frustrating and hard at times but with determination and a lot of perseverance we can all unbecome anything that isn't really us and be our authentic selves

Love Yourself!

Today I want to share some great words of wisdom from the late Dr. Wayne Dyer:

"If you’re not receiving the love you desire, it seems like a pretty good idea to explore what’s creating this state. Obviously, most of us want to place the blame for lovelessness on something external to ourselves. That’s a waste of time and energy, but it often feels good because blame seems to alleviate the pain, even if only briefly. However, blame energy only helps you remain out of balance, whether you’re blaming yourself or someone else. Being in balance is centered around the premise that you receive in life what you’re aligned with. By now, you must have read it enough times to know that I mean you get what you think about!
While you may justify your loveless state with thoughts of being unappreciated, or choose to see the whole world as an unloving place, the fact remains that you’re experiencing the imbalance of not feeling good because you don’t have enough love in your life. Waiting for others to change, or for some kind of shift to take place in the world to restore you to balance, won’t work without your commitment to take responsibility for changing your way of thinking. If that’s left to others, you’ll turn the controls of your life over to someone or something outside of you. And that’s a prescription for disaster. 
The point I want to emphasize here is that if feelings of being shortchanged in the love dimension are a part of your life, then it’s because you’ve aligned your thoughts and behaviors with lovelessness. How do you do that? By failing to match your desire for love with thoughts that harmonize with this powerful desire—for example: I’ve never been able to sustain a loving relationship. I’m not really attractive enough to have someone love me in the way I want to be loved. People are cruel and take advantage of me. I see hostility and anger everywhere. This is an uncaring world with a shortage of love. 
All of these thoughts (and others like them) create a point of attraction that’s way out of balance with a desire to receive abundant love. You attract into your life precisely what you’re thinking about, and you’ve inadvertently joined ‘Club Loveless’ with a membership that includes a majority of the entire population—that is, people who feel shortchanged about the amount of love that’s failing to pour into their empty hearts. All of this is reversible by shifting your alignment and removing the resistance to the fulfillment of your desire for love. You begin by ending your search for love. 
To balance your life with more lovingness, you need to match your thoughts and behaviors with those of your Source, being love in the way that God is. This means noticing when you’re inclined to judge yourself or others as though you or they are unworthy of love. This means suspending your need to be right in favor of being kind toward yourself and others, and deliberately extending kindness everywhere. This means giving love to yourself and others rather than demanding love. This means your loving gesture of kindness is heartfelt because you feel love flowing from within—not because you want something in return. A tall order? Not really, unless you believe that it’s going to be difficult. 
Lovingness is a feature of your natural state, and your ego isn’t part of that state. Ego dominates because you’ve separated yourself from your God-self, the loving self that came here from a place of perfectly Divine unconditional love. You’ve carried this ego idea of your own self-importance, your need to be right, for so long that you’ve deluded yourself into believing that the ego-self is who you are. Talk about being out of balance—you’ve opted for a belief in pure illusion! By allowing this illusion to be the dominant force, you’ve created, through your ego-centered self, a heavy imbalance in your life.” 
-Wayne

I Gotta Be Me!

This is something that I have struggled with most of my life. Most of the time I lost the struggle, on the negative side, coming away with feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. I have often thought that because I am not ‘perfect’ that I have nothing to offer the community and have refrained from stepping into to my role as a Light bringer and Healer.

Somewhere along the line I got the notion that I had to repress (or purge) all ‘dark’ emotions or energies in order to help others in the manner I was chosen. Recently this notion has begun to change. I am starting to realize that I am a whole person, good, bad and ugly.

Whilst I have no desire to cater to the dark times or moods, I now understand that I do need to acknowledge them, embrace them, allow them to flow through and then out of me, naturally. They are as much a part of me as happiness and joy and, in fact, do serve a purpose, normally in the form of a life lesson. I can then take what I have learned and pass it along to others in the hopes that it will help them.

Now this may be a touchy subject and it is not my intent to offend or create strife, however I feel the need to say it as kindly and politely as I can.

I have read things on my FB feed that would lead me to believe that there are those that feel if you are not a born and bred Pagan/Wiccan/Heathen, ect..  That you have no business offering your services as a healer/advisor to the community, especially if you are a solitary practitioner.  To be honest I find the attitude (if true) to be elitist and arrogant.

I spent ten years as a Priest serving my local community (Non-Pagan) for a year I served as a High Priest serving that same local community. In these capacities I served as a counselor, healer, mediator, life coach, teacher and motivational speaker.  I lead three small groups concurrently, one of which I  co-founded and is still in existence and thriving today. I am no stranger to performing ritual, rites of passage, wiccanans, blessings, handfastings and other priestly services and duties, all with integrity and honor.

Including those years I have 35 years of experience dealing with life’s twists and turns, ups and down, ins and outs. I have looked Death square in the eyes, twice and lived to tell about it. I have survived abuse, neglect, homelessness, repo’s, bankruptcy, job loss, illness and the destruction of my family life on two occasions. I am still alive and kicking, my desire to serve has not diminished, it has only gotten stronger and it is time that I step into my calling and serve my Purpose once again.

 

None of these experience make me‘special’ or more (or less) qualified to serve they have only prepared me to serve and it is the Pagan community I feel called to serve and that is what I intend to do because I gotta be me!